Bliss Hill (episode)/Transcript
The episode opens on the Dandy Lions convoy as they cross the desert, passing through a destroyed town. The title "Nomad of Nowhere" fades in, and then out. Skout: So maybe the Nomad got away, but at least we know he's- Toth: Not. Now. Toth, Skout, and the rest of the Dandy Lions arrive at The Oasis. On the way in, they pass a large queue of people waiting to enter. Skout: They're lined up early today. An elderly man is shown paying for entry, being forced to add in a gold tooth to match the appropriate amount of gold needed to enter the Oasis. Toth and Skout approach the gate to the palace as a guard catches a man attempting to collect water from a leak in a wall. Guard: Hey, you've got to pay for that! The guard tackles the man to ground. Toth: Rules are rules. Soldier: Captain Toth, Don Paragon awaits your report. Skout: I bet he's gonna be happy to see us. The scene cuts to the inside of the palace where the Dandy Lions wait for Don Paragon in his throne room. Don Paragon: Toth! You're back. I've got a leg hair plucking to vamanos to so let's just jump to the part where you didn't find the Nomad and you vow to continue your never-ending quest - yada, yada, yada. Toth: We found him. Don Paragon: What? Toth: We found the Nomad. Don Paragon: You *found* the Nomad! Ohohoho, Toth! I could just devour you, you beautiful bronze statue. So where is he? I gotta see my magical little meal ticket! Skout: Well... The scene cuts to a time skip moments after Don Paragon is told about the events that happened in the bramble forest. Don Paragon: You... Lost the Nomad. Toth: He escaped, yes. His magic was as crafty as the legend said. Skout: He might have gotten away, But I'd like to think we learned the value of teamwork. Well, except in the part where Toth stomped off on her own there at the end and kind of left everybody back at the- Toth: What Skout means to say is now that we've seen what he can do we'll be better prepared for the next time. Don Paragon: (striking multiple poses) Dramatic! Harrowing tragic! A fiery escape! Dreams up in smoke! I love it! I hate it! But progress is still progress and this was definitely progress, despite your defeat. Every noble venture is bound to endure setbacks. It's like that thing I always say about myself. Back in the early days of the Oasis, when I bravely endeavored to stumble upon the only water source for miles, to establish my very own highfalutin utopia, what was my most important quality? Yes, you in the front. Skout: Uh... persistence? Jethro: Looking sharp? Santi: A modest loan with a reasonable interest rate? Don Paragon: Being first. Which is exactly what we're going to do now. We're going to nab that magical monster before anyone else can get their grubby little hands on him. The question is: How do we do it? Toth: I suggest regrouping immediately and- Red Manuel: Might Red Manuel offer a different suggestion? Don Paragon: (looks around the room confused for a short moment) Oh, you're Red Manuel. chuckle You've got a shtick, third-person, I love it. Continue. Red Manuel: Why thank you, it's nice to be appreciated for- Don Paragon: (angrily) Continue. Red Manuel: Yes. Apologies. Why worry about being first when you can pay someone else to be first for you? Don Paragon: I'm not following here, Rojo. Red Manuel: With your many resources and vast influence, you could offer a reward for the Nomad's capture. The Southwest has many bounty hunters. We could cover much more ground in the search for the Nomad rather than putting all our huevos in one basket. (glares at Toth) A very unworthy basket. Toth: Sir, I think Red is still dealing with a concussion from his spectacular failure on our mission. Don Paragon: Oh no no, I like this. I'll give them money, water, a time-share, whatever gets me the Nomad before anybody else realizes how valuable he is. Rojo here has a point, Toth, and I do love huevos... Toth: I can find him. You need to- Don Paragon: What I *need* is to be certain *you* can do your job, Toth. Because right now, I've got more doubts than I have fancy outfits, and I have a lot of fancy outfits. There's something that needs attending on the outskirts, just the sort of rough-and-tumble mission to get you back on track, chica. And don't go looking for the Nomad until you prove you can be useful. Understood? Toth nods. Red Manuel: May the best man win. Don Paragon: First things first. I want new wanted posters in every town from here to the Iron Border featuring my reward. And let's make sure it's got that "Don Paragon Pizzazz". Skout: Mister Paragon, not to be too prickly about it, but, the Nomad saved us all. He came back for us. I think he didn't want us to die. Don Paragon: A moral compass. That's just splendid, Skout. That means he's got a weakness, good thinking. Skout: What? No, that's not what I meant, I just uh... Why we gotta catch him so bad? Don Paragon: Because El Rey wants him, little wildflower. That's the thing about being the king, you get whatever you want. Besides, who are we to second guess? Do you think you know more about the dangers of magic than El Rey? Me neither. Now, now, cheer up, Captain Toth. The wasteland is a treacherous place that fairer folk can't brave on their own. With any luck he won't have gotten far. The elements will have undoubtedly slowed him to a pathetic crawl. Scene cuts to the Nomad happily strutting through the desert, passing bones of dead creatures and waving at them as he bounces up to a town named "Bliss Hill". The town appears to be in a state of great disrepair. The Nomad walks through the center of the town, looking at all of the abandoned stores and houses. The wall of a house falls over to reveal a man bathing in a tub. Startled, the Nomad stumbles backwards into the door of another house, causing an old man to open and investigate. Old Man: What do you want? (the Nomad points at himself questioningly) Yeah, you. You proselytizing? Tryin' to sling me some ballyhoo? (the Nomad stands silently) The silent sell, huh? Ain't seen that one before. off-screen Old Woman: Who's there? Old Man: I don't know Martha, he won't tell me. He's crafty... off-screen Martha: 's he some door-to-door trickster? Tell him we don't want no more magazine subscriptions. We can't even read! Old Man: You hear that, snake? We're poor and illiterate! Joke's on you! (pointing at the Nomad, cackling) The Nomad runs to a nearby alley where he spots a broom. He approaches it in an attempt to pick it up when a box next to him begins to shake. A young boy pops out of the contents in the box. Barty: Hi, you're new around here. Name's Barty. Wanna join an exciting project to help Bliss Hill? After a few seconds, the Nomad gives a thumbs up. Barty: Great! But first you have to answer my exhaustive questionnaire. Ready? Ever killed a man? The Nomad shakes his head no. Barty: Know your basic 'rithmetics? The Nomad shakes his head yes. Barty: Do you believe in ghosts? The Nomad grabs his shoulders and shivers. Barty: Can you do a cartwheel? The Nomad does a cartwheel. Barty: Hmm... form could have been better. Hey, I just noticed something. Can't you talk? The Nomad apologetically shakes his head no. Barty: A mute! That's good for diversity. Okay, last question, and the most important... Got any food? Or water? The Nomad takes sand from his back pocket, dumping it onto the ground. Barty: Guess that was hoping for too much... So no food, no water, ain't never killed a man. What can you do? The Nomad takes an apple core and a banana peel and sets them upright. Clapping his hands, the Nomad brings the pieces of garbage to life as they start to dance with each other. Barty: Wow! You can do bonafide magic! What other tricks you got? (the Nomad shrugs) Just the one, huh? Well, I ain't one to complain, especially since we got this dancing fruit. A bird creature quickly swoops down, snatching up both fruit Critters. '''Barty': Well, if that ain't this town in a nutshell, I don't know what is. But you know what? I think you passed the test, stranger. Come on. Barty leads the Nomad away as a teenager leans around the corner. Punk Teen: Magic, huh? Barty: Hmm... they're either here or at Merry Caverns. Hold up a second whistles. Two young children emerge from behind a rock. Dolores: Barty, why'd you bring a stranger here? Are you under duress? Dolores pulls a slingshot out a points it at the Nomad. Barty makes a series of gestures. Eugene: He's using the secret code! Dolores: What's he saying? Eugene: Either he has to go to the bathroom or... gasps Operation Bandit! Dolores: Consult the protocols. Eugene: (pulls out a large book) Alright, section 14, article C: "Bandits" "There are three types of bandits. The etymology of the word 'Bandit' comes from the Vocaran word 'Bandito'" Dolores: Come on Eugene, my shooting arm's getting tired! Eugene: There's no protocol for that! Dolores accidentally releases the rock she has loaded in the slingshot, resulting in it hitting Barty in the face. Barty: Ow! Eugene: Another victim of bureaucracy! Curse all this red tape. Dolores: Aw, stuff it, Eugene. Why'd you bring him here anyway, Barty? Barty: Just show them what you can do. The Nomad leans down a claps, picking up a rock as it springs to life. Dolores: He makes... baby rocks? Eugene: My Pappy's birds and bees talk didn't cover this at all. Barty: No, you dolts. He brings things to life with magic. You know what that means? Stranger, it's time I told you the purpose of this outfit. We're... Barty, Eugene, and Dolores: The Mill Preservation Society! Dolores: All them long-legged grown-ups forgot about the mill when the water stopped flowing... Eugene: But we're the future of this here town, and we're gonna do whatever we can to get that mill turning again. Barty: To heck with the grown-up establishment, our livelihoods depend on it. Dolores: We ain't hooli-gans, we're hooli-cans. And we's gonna fix Bliss Hill. The Nomad excitedly salutes with the three children. Barty: Does that mean you're with us? off-screen Punk Teen: Here they are, sheriff. The sheriff of Bliss Hill walks up with multiple Bliss Hill citizens in tow. Dolores: Hold it right there, long-legs. Sheriff: Barty. Somehow I knew I'd find out you were the reason for these dunderheads complaining. Looks like my fool boy led you lot on a goose chase. Ain't no magic here. That's only gonna bring us more problems. Barty: But Pa, he is doing magic and it ain't bad. Sheriff: Stranger, I'm only gonna say this once. Take your dark magic and get out of here. The Nomad attempts to walk away, but Barty grabs his arms before he can. Barty: He ain't a stranger, he's my friend. His magic can help whole town. In fact, he's gonna bring back the old mill. The Nomad waves his arms, saying that he can't. Barty: Why not? You brought the rocks to life. I know you can do it, Bliss Hill needs you. The Nomad, through gestures, explains that the rock Critters were small, therefore easier. The mill would be more difficult to give life to due to its size. Sheriff: Barty, get away from him. Barty: Just let him try. It could change everything. I don't care what anybody says about magic. The Nomad approaches the mill, clapping his hands. Nothing happens. Sheriff: Alright Barty, time to run along- The mill begins to creak, and its wheel begins to shake as it sprouts arms and eyes. Barty: See Pa, it's working! I knew he could do it. Sheriff: I knew you had a few screws loose, Barty, but this is bad medicine. We can't have the mill acting on its own like this. It'll bring the wrong sorts to Bliss Hill. The mill wheel begins to get angered by the sheriff's comments. It breaks free from the side of the mill, despite the Nomad's protests and attempts to stop it, and heads towards the town, rolling through and demolishing its buildings. Eugene: You broke it. Sheriff: You're lucky I don't string you up right where you stand. Get out of here. Don't never come back. Dejected, the Nomad leaves the town. Meanwhile, somewhere else, a strange man is walking through the desert as the mill wheel rolls by him. Strange Man: Huh. Don't see that every day. The man looks at a bounty poster of the Nomad, and squeezes it, crumpling it as the screen cuts to black. Category:Transcripts